I loved you and kissed you
and wanted to whisk you
away to stay for all time
me yours and you mine.
But here I stand, alone
in my flat not knowing
which direction to turn.
You chose him and now
I don’t know if I was
ever given a thought.
But did you care at all?
And was all our passion
my imagination?
Was loving for me
acrobatics for you?
I’d loved you from so far
for so long that when
the chance came along
to share that love with you
I thought it would be simple
We had shared a bed.
I was so naive.
I thought it meant more than it did
And now I am torn apart.
Raging at you
for hurting me.
Raging at me
for letting you.
Rage? No, not rage.
Frustration.
What do I do?
Where do I turn?
Will I always be lost and confused.
How will it end, this pain
this torture
Perhaps it’s me
I’m not worthy of love, that’s it
All my own fault.
If I really love you
I must let you go to him.
If that’s where you’ll be happy
I’ll have to let you go
As if I could make you stay!
So, if my head can let you go
why cannot my heart
Damn you heart.
You are not broken
you are just fiendish
How could you connive with him
to hurt me so?
But perhaps there’s a chance
It may not work out
Perhaps you’ll want me again.
Or are you a butterfly?
Take the nectar
Flutter on.
Will he be as hurt as I?
Maybe.
Would it help?
I hate to admit it – it would
But not for long.
And now
I’ve even lost touch with you.
I don’t even know
If you’ve survived
this awful epidemic.
(A cathartic rant. But an important memory. I later discovered that Kim had succumbed to the epidemic that was HIV/AIDS. A sd ending to a sad story)